Monday Funnies

Here's your weekly installment of the Monday Funnies...

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter said, “I'd like to let you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?”

The first priest says, “I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains.”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?”

“No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing.”

“In that case,” says the second priest, “I've always wanted to be a stud.”

“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.

“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more
difficult.”

“Why?” asks the Lord.

“He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Maine.”

* * * * * *

A preacher delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning, which was less than 1/3 the usual length of his sermons.

He explained, “I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning."

After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher and said, “Pastor, if that dog of yours has any pups, I want to get one to give to my minister.”

* * * * * *

A preacher was on the program at a district convention to preach for twenty minutes. The other preachers from the district were sitting behind him in the choir section, giving him moral support and throwing in an occasional “Amen” to help the preacher along.

The preacher preached his twenty minutes and continued on despite the alloted time.

He preached for 30 minutes, then forty minutes and then for an hour. He even continued, for a whole hour and ten minutes.

Finally, a brother sitting in the front row took a song book and threw it at the preacher, who was still going strong with his message.

The preacher saw the song book as it was hurled his way and he ducked.

The song book hit one of the preachers sitting in the choir section.

As the man in the choir section was going down, you could hear him say, “Hit me again, I can still hear him preaching!”