The Monday Funnies

We have a few groaners to start your Monday. Welcome to the Monday Funnies, with the usual cartoon by Dave Walker...

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner at a recent football game.

"I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents," he confessed.

"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the
priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of
his coat.

"That's not all, Father." said the confessor. "I got mad and punched
one of my opponents."

"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.

"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other
team's players in the... in a sensitive area."

"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on
his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful
things?"

"Southern Methodist."

"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve clean, "boys will be
boys."

* * *

A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had
just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He
happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

"Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.

"Yes, that was it!"

"You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!"

"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close to
that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the margins by
some clown named Martin Luther."