* * *
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly
usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No," he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.* * *The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.
The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand.
Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of your wives said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
* * *
There's the old one about the person who was out walking and slipped over the
edge of the cliff.
As he was going down, he managed to grab on to a branch. He was hanging there
sure he was going to fall any moment and he shouts, "Is anyone there? Help me!"
A booming voice comes from above saying, "This is God. Let go of the branch!"
There is a long pause and the person shouts, "Is there anyone else there?"