Monday Funnies

Time for some groaners, thanks to our pal Patrick Hill. Cartoon by Dave Walker. Enjoy your Monday...

* * *

After picking her up from church services, a mom asked her young
daughter what the sermon had been about.

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared; you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later that day, the pastor
stopped by for coffee and the mom asked him what that morning's sermon had
"really" been about.

He said, "Be not afraid; thy comforter is coming."

* * *

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she
wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.

The following week she asked each child in turn what they had learned.

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."

Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the Temple."

Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how
to drive it."

Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"

"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the
highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy
yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"

* * *

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in
the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an
eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the
reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof.

As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I
think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here."

The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmmpf.
Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer
you'll see in here."

* * *

Just as the pastor began his Christmas Eve sermon, the electricity in
the church failed. The ushers found some candles and placed them around the
sanctuary.

Then the pastor re-entered the pulpit, shuffled his notes, and
muttered, "Now, where was I?"

A tired voice called out from the back, "Right near the end!"