* * *
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the
middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
* * *
Joe Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Lord, can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
* * *
THE LORD'S PRAYER (Laodicean Version)
Our Grandfather, who art in heaven, special be thy name,
Thy candy come, thy will be changed, on earth as in our wishful thinking.
Give us this day our daily cake;
And wink at our trespasses, as we wink at ourselves when we trespass
And lead us not into commitment, but deliver us from dedication.
For thine is the lap, and the chuckle, and the pat on the head, forever and