The Monday Funnies

It is Saint Patty's Day coming up this week, so we of course must have an Irish joke. And a few more jokes after that. Thanks to Pat Hill, as always, for sending jokes, and Lloyd Snook for passing along this cartoon. Enjoy your Monday Funnies...

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Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity, one of the poor lasses must be gravely ill."

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Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.

A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"

Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."

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Ways To Know You Are In The Wrong Church:

- The staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, and Socio-Pastor.

- They have ATM machines in the lobby.

- No cover charge, but communion is a two drink minimum.

- Services are B.Y.O.S. (Bring Your Own Snakes)

- They have karaoke worship time.

- The guy that takes the minutes in business meeting votes against everything because he can't spell "unanimous".

- The only song the church organist knows is Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida.

- The church bus has gun racks.

- The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss" version.

- The choir wears leather robes.

- When you go in, the usher asks you, "Do you want smoking or non-smoking?"