The Monday Funnies

How about some really bad groaners to start your Monday? Here are a couple of jokes from buddy Pat Hill.

And have you ever wondered what we wear under our vestments on Sunday? Cartoonist Dave Walker reveals our secrets.

Enjoy your Monday . . .

* * *

There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!"

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day. One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!"

The next morning she stepped onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there. "PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO
LORD. I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!"

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "PRAISE
THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"

* * *

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the other if she would like a beer.

The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look, and the first nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer, saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."