Some are barely printable, and some in poor taste, but you get what you pay for. Enjoy your Monday . . .
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A young man came to a rabbi and said, "Rabbi, I know I'm a fool but I don't know what to do about it."
The rabbi retorted, "Son, if you know you're a fool then certainly you are no fool."
"Then why does everyone say I am a fool?", asked the young man.
"If", said the rabbi, "you yourself don't know why you're a fool but listen to others who say you are, then you surely are a fool!"
* * *
A bishop visited a church in his diocese. Only three people turned up to hear him preach.
He asked the pastor, "Did you give notice of my visit?"
"No," replied the pastor, "but word seems to have gotten round anyway."
* * *
The minister conducting the funeral was speaking of his last moments with the recently deceased. "I was standing by his bedside," he said, "and he was obviously in some distress."
"I spoke some words of comfort, and he wrote a short note and handed it to me, and then he died. In fact, I have the note here, in my pocket."
He took out the note. "I forgot about it until now. It says, 'Please take your foot off my oxygen hose.' "
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