+ + +
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.
“The front row please,” she answered.
“You really don't want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.
“No,” he said.
“I'm the pastor's mother,” she replied indignantly.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“No.” she said.
“Good,” he answered.
+ + +
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season.
The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand.
Puzzled, the pastor said, “I don't get it. Last Sunday many of your wives said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer.”
One hunter groaned, “Well, it worked. They're all safe.”