From the ashes will come Easter

Another Ash Wednesday has come and gone. With its emphasis on death, it is something of an acquired taste. This year's Ash Wednesday was fuller than the previous three I have experienced at St. Paul's, and we had many more students than in the past.

Late yesterday, the verdict was handed up in the trial of George Huguely; he was convicted of second-degree murder in the death of his girlfriend, Yeardley Love, when both were students at the University of Virginia. Her death has rocked this tight-knit community in ways that we are now only beginning to perceive.

We saw quite a number of women students (many I did not recognize) at our Ash Wednesday services yesterday, and I wonder if the trial had something to do with it. Somehow we were the right place to be for them, thanks be to God for that.

Ash Wednesday is a reminder of our mortality, that we are from dust and to dust we shall return. It is a reminder that our bodies will die and will become dust. But Ash Wednesday also has within it the spark of hope, that healing and wholeness can come even from the ashes. Easter will come. Not quite yet. But soon.

Have you ever been surprised by compassion?

I am back in the pulpit today at Charlottesville, and it is good to be back. Today's readings are 2 Kings 5:1-14 , 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Psalm 30 and Mark 1:40-45.

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Have you ever been surprised by compassion?

Have you ever been surprised by a kind word from someone at the very moment you needed it the most? Maybe from someone whom you least expected it?

Or, have you been surprised by someone who opened a door, or a friend who squeezed your hand in the moment you needed it most?

Have you ever been surprised by your own compassion maybe with someone you have a very hard time with?

Sometimes compassion is simple, and the simplicity surprises us.

Take, for example, Naaman, who we meet in the Old Testament lesson today. Naaman is a soldier who is very sick and in need of compassion. The prophet Elisha tells him to go wash in the Jordan seven times.

But Naaman goes away angry, thinking Elisha is mocking him. Surely it must be more complicated than this.

Prophets are supposed waive their hands and do prophet-y things. The simple moment of compassion is not as he expects.

Thanks to a lowly servant, Naaman finally catches on. He washes and is healed. And he is very surprised, and humbled.

It was as simple – and as surprising – as Elisha said, but Naaman almost misses it by being too caught up the complexities.

Or take the nameless leper who is healed by Jesus. Things are not as he expects. Jesus heals the leper and tells him to go to the Temple to be washed, and not talk about what he has seen.

Of course, the healed man goes out and blabs to everyone, and soon large crowds descend upon Jesus.

These biblical stories, and others like it, are meant to push us off kilter so we can see God’s compassion that is so close to us we might otherwise miss it.
These stories are meant to surprise us.

Sometimes it takes a surprise so that we can see God more clearly and love more dearly.
The apostle Paul is driving at the same point in his letter today, but coming at it from a different angle. This idea of running the race is not about being the fastest or the first past the finish line.

Rather, Paul is talking about how we can run the race of life by being open to the holy, and being open all of the time to the compassion that surrounds us.

He implores us to practice looking for compassionate surprises. And keep practicing, practicing, practicing.

We live in a world undergoing tremendous change and complexity, and it can feel overwhelming. Compassion is not always easy to see in the noise and cruelty of the world.

This week in our community, we have the trial opened for George Huguely, accused of killing his girlfriend, Yeardley Love, when both were students at the University of Virginia. For many, the trial reopens wounds that have not healed. The killing shook the tight University community to the core.

Yet I am also mindful of how this terrible incident sparked many acts of compassion, and still does. Cruelty does not get the last word.

A few months after the brutal killing, Teresa Sullivan gave her first public speech in this pulpit as president of the University of Virginia.

She called upon all of us to build a more compassionate community because we are all connected.

We here have taken up that challenge in big ways and small. That is our mission and has always been our mission. Building a compassionate world is really what it means to build the Kingdom of God on earth.

This church is a refuge for those who are hurting and needing solace, and may that always be so.

But the Church is not a refuge from surprises or change. Indeed, the Church is often characterized as the “rock,” but it is not an inert lump of stone. The church is alive, it is an organism, and it is changing because we are changing.

I believe there is a holy spark of compassion here at St. Paul’s that is truly extraordinary. That spark will change us into the compassionate people we were created to be, and we in turn will change the world around us.

By practicing compassion we are running together the race that Paul encourages us to run. 

The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu 

To practice compassion requires not worrying when something doesn’t work exactly right, trusting that Holy spark will carry us through.

And here’s the good news: We don’t have run this race of compassion alone. We can find strength together, as a community of faith. When we do, we will find that new growth and healing will come to us, day by day.

When we run this race of compassion together, we will spread healing and hope into the world beyond, and we have no greater mission in this life than that.

But we need to be ready for the unexpected. We need to listen for the holy from unexpected corners, from unexpected voices, in moments when we least expect it.

God’s Kingdom really can be that simple – and surprising.

Choosing the better good in our communities

Last Friday, the University of Virginia community held its "Day of Dialogue" to talk about, in the words of UVA President Teresa Sullivan, how to become a more "caring community" in the aftermath of the murder last spring of a student. Many of our St. Paul's students, faculty and staff attended.

The final talk was given by English Professor Michael Suarez, who is a friend of mine and also is a Jesuit priest. Michael's remarks are about UVA, but really he is talking about every community everywhere. This takes about 25 minutes to view; I highly recommend you take the time. Blessings...

Entertaining Angels Unawares: Sermon by University of Virginia President Teresa Sullivan

I am not preaching today, so I thought I would bring you the sermon by Dr. Teresa Sullivan, the president of the University of Virginia, who preached at St. Paul's on August 29, our Convocation Sunday. She gave us much to think and pray about; her office sent us a copy of her sermon last week, and so I bring it to you today. The lessons she used that day were Sirach 10:12-18, Psalm 112, Hebrews 13:1-8, 15-16, and Luke 14:1, 7-14. Here is her sermon:

Entertaining Angels Unawares
Sunday, August 29, 201010:00 a.m.
St. Paul’s Memorial Church

By Dr. Teresa Sullivan
President of the University of Virginia

Good morning. I’m pleased to be with you this Sunday at St. Paul’s. I was here last winter to help celebrate your 100th anniversary. I’m glad to be back.

As you probably know, I am a sociologist, and the heart of sociology is the study of social stratification – or how humans take differences among people and translate those differences into enduring inequalities. It’s nearly universal among human societies, and it is even found among animals. Imagine a flock of chickens penned together; they will immediately establish what we call a “pecking order” among themselves. The chickens enforce their pride of place with a sharp beak.

Jesus knows about our pecking orders. In today’s passage from the Gospel of Luke, Jesus has been invited to a Sabbath dinner by one of the Pharisees. He decides to tell a story about a wedding feast, but the implication for the guests in the room with Him is pretty clear. Much like the wedding guests in the parable, each guest at the Sabbath dinner is seeking the best position, and Jesus offers some practical advice: don’t take the highest seat, because someone more important than you might be invited. Take the lowest seat, and then you might be invited by your host to go higher. The punch-line is one that will be heard again and again in the Gospels: he who exalts himself shall be humbled, and he who humbles himself shall be exalted.

This is more than wedding etiquette advice. The Gospel makes clear that it is God Who is ultimately in charge of the exalting and the humbling. Six months before the birth of Jesus, Mary in her Magnificat makes the agency of God very clear: “He Who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name. He has struck down the mighty from their thrones, and has exalted the lowly. He has filled the poor with good things, and the rich He has sent away empty.” (Luke 1:52)

The message is not an easy one for disciples to learn. As His apostles are taking their seats for His last paschal meal with them, and just before He gives them the example of washing their feet, they are discussing among themselves who is the greatest (Luke 22:24). Jesus has basically the same answer for this status-seeking. In the Gospel of Mark He says, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all." (Mark 9:34-36). In the longer answer recounted by Luke, He offers greater detail: "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.” (Luke 22:25-26)

Thus, in the Kingdom of God, the leaders serve. The pecking ceases. If there is to be any exaltation done, it is left to the Host of the wedding feast.

There is a second message here that is also important for us to hear. In the latter verses of the reading, Jesus advises the banquet host not to invite only his wealthy friends and relatives to dinner, in the hope that they will return the favor. He tells him instead to invite “the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind.” (Luke 14:13)

You might recall that later in the gospel of Luke, in chapter 18, Jesus said to His disciples, “Suffer little children to come unto me …” (Luke 18:16) when the disciples tried to forbid children from approaching Him. He was famously friendly to the outcasts of His time – tax collectors, prostitutes, Roman officers, even the hated Samaritans.

You get the idea. In Jesus’ words and in His actions, we discern a single message: God may have a different idea about a human being’s value than society does. The little children, the lepers, the last in society’s eyes — these are first in God’s eyes.

All of us can learn a lesson from these words: Care for those around you, especially those who are most in need. This is one of the foundations of a strong community based on caring and shared responsibility for one another’s well-being. The Kingdom of God has many bridges, but not so many fences.

I hope that those of us who are connected to UVA can hear this message and take it to heart. Many in this community are still grappling with the aftermath of Yeardley Love’s death last spring, and aching from the loss of a young woman so full of promise. As we begin a new academic year, we are continuing conversations that began in the wake of Yeardley’s death.

We have scheduled a Day of Dialogue for Friday, Sept. 24. It will be a day of open and vigorous discussion about violence, violence prevention, and campus safety. Our goal is to create a caring community, one whose members recognize their shared responsibility for each other. I hope all of you who are able to participate will do so.

UVA students have launched another initiative with a similar purpose. You may have heard, or you may soon hear, about the “Get Grounded Coalition.” Composed of student-run organizations, the coalition is working to create a culture of shared responsibility on the Grounds — to teach all of us to be vigilant and to look out for each other’s well-being.

We want to challenge the so-called “bystander behavior” that may cause students and others to stand aside and remain passive in potentially dangerous situations, either because they don’t recognize the situation as problematic or because they don’t believe it’s their responsibility to take action. We want each of us to take ownership of this community and to help take care of everyone in it.

Today’s reading from the epistle to the Hebrews says, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2) The King James Version of the same verse says, “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”

Ask yourself this question: If you happened to encounter an angel unawares, how would you treat him or her? What if this angel-in-disguise were a stranger, or someone who looks different from you, or someone who is on the low end of the socio-economic ladder, or someone suffering from physical or mental distress?

This morning, let’s affirm our commitment to caring for every member of this community every day. Let’s make this promise to ourselves and to each other. Let’s promise not to stand by when someone else needs help. Let’s promise to take responsibility for each other. Let’s promise to show hospitality and kindness to everyone around us — even the strangers, who, for all we know, might be angels.

Your neighbors might not exalt you for taking such responsibility. Your friends might criticize you. But building a community of caring is a very positive long-term investment. Jesus promises the reward at the resurrection of the just. And then we might hear that Voice, familiar to us even though we have never heard it before, saying to us, “Friend, move up higher.”

God bless you. And God bless the University of Virginia.

Photos by Bonny Bronson

Rekindling Our Light: We are responsible for the world

Last evening we hosted Rekindling Our Light, an interfaith prayer service in remembrance of victims of domestic violence, especially women students. We gathered, we lit candles, we prayed, we sang, we sat in silence.

I found the experience incredibly powerful and spiritually moving. I am grateful so many students attended, and I am grateful to The Rev. Ann Willms and United Ministries for organizing it.

Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus came together to offer prayers, each in their own tradition. We remembered the murder of Yeardley Love, a 4th year student who was murdered last year allegedly by her boyfriend.

We remembered Morgan Harrington, a student from Virginia Tech who turned up killed, left in a remote field, after a rock concert here in Charlottesville.

We remembered many others.

We prayed for peace, we prayed for an end to all forms of violence, and we asked for forgiveness for our neglect, our ambivalence, our ignorance.

My friend Jake Rubin, the rabbi with the Brody Jewish Center at the University of Virginia (Hillel), was with us last night at Rekindling Our Light. Last Saturday marked Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, the day of asking for forgiveness. Rabbi jake preached powerfully about domestic violence last Saturday, and I am offering his words to you today. I believe this is an important sermon and I hope you will read it:

Yom Kippur 2010

By Rabbi Jake Rubin

Today as we are fully immersed in a period of self reflection, I want to talk about a difficult subject that affects us all whether we know it or not. There is a line in the Al Het, one of the confessionals we say on Yom Kippur, which says, “For the sin we have committed against you through violence.” Generally we think of UVa as a peaceful place, but we know that this is not always the case. We were reminded of this all too well last year on multiple occasions. Yeardley Love’s murder was certainly the most obvious example of this reality but there are many others.

Though it is not the most pleasant topic, today, I want to talk about intimate partner violence, or sexual assault, and our response to it as a community. Intimate partner violence is a pattern of physically, sexually, and/or emotionally abusive behaviors used by one individual to control another. It includes rape, sexual assault, and physical, emotional or psychological abuse.

This summer in the wake of the Yeardley Love murder, I had the opportunity to participate in a Survivor Support and Ally Training Workshop with the Women’s Center at UVa. Though I certainly knew about Yeardley Love’s case and that intimate partner violence was prevalent on college campuses, I had no idea as to the extent of its prevalence nationally and even more disturbing its prevalence here at UVa. According to national statistics, over the course of four years in college, a woman has a 25% chance of being a victim of sexual assault. That is 1 out of every 4 women. Look around the room. Conservatively there are 80 women here, that means the chances are that 20 of the women here today could be victims of sexual assault.

And just in case you might think that UVa is different than other college campuses, a study done at UVa a few years ago of almost 800 undergraduate female students shows it is actually worse – 29% of those surveyed were victims of rape or of attempted rape and 34% were victims of unwanted sexual contact and these figures probably underestimate the actual rates. In this same study 43% of the sorority members in the study had been raped or had been victims of attempted rape. The primary factor – alcohol and drugs. If these statistics aren’t scary enough, according to this study 61% of perpetrators were boyfriends, dates, or friends. Only 3% of these crimes were carried out by strangers! While I have given you statistics regarding women, it is important to note that men can be the victims of intimate partner violence too.

These numbers were shocking to me and should be disturbing to you. Many times I have heard people and you may be one of them say, “Well that is disturbing, but we don’t have these issues in the Jewish community. “ They and you would be wrong. The Jewish community has the same rates of intimate partner violence as those of other religious groups, somewhere between 15 – 25%. In addition, as full members of the University community and on the most fundamental level, the human community, this problem is all of ours together to confront.

On Yom Kippur, we say multiple confessionals that are laundry lists of the sins that we have committed throughout the year. All of these confessionals end with a –nu ending, ahsamnu, bagadnu, or al het shechatanu. This ending is the plural - meaning we have sinned not I have sinned. As I mentioned last night, this is to emphasize that even if we have not committed these sins ourselves, we have a responsibility as a community to ensure that these things do not happen under our watch.

To underscore just how important this communal responsibility is in Judaism, there is a rabbinic principle that a person cannot be put to death for a capital offense unless there were two witnesses who each prior to the capital offense warned the perpetrator that what they were about to do was punishable by death. From this we learn that it is the community’s responsibility to stand up and stay stop. It is our responsibility to make sure that intimate partner violence is not happening within our own community.

There are two other important Jewish values at play in this conversation. The first is b’tzelem elohim, or the idea that we are all created in the image of G-d. This is a core principle in Judaism, and it emphasizes the inherent worth of each and every person. We are to treat every person we meet, whether we know them intimately or not, as if there were divinity within them. We honor human beings as holy, we treat them with respect, we do not abuse them. To commit acts of violence against another human is deface the likeness of G-d.

This value of humans as created in the image of G-d should be understood in another way too. That is, we not only must treat others with respect but we also must honor ourselves. This means we have to respect ourselves enough to know that no one deserves to be in an abusive relationship. Each one of us has an inherent worth and nobody, nobody, should think that they are somehow at fault for being abused or that they deserve to be abused. There are so many resources in Charlottesville and at UVa for anyone who is in an abusive relationship – I am here, SARA, the Sexual Assault Resource Agency, and the UVa Women’s Center are here too – no one should ever feel alone and like they cannot get help.

The other Jewish value that I believe is central to this discussion is found in Leviticus, “You shall not stand idly by the blood of your neighbor.” The rabbis also believed that that if you were responsible for the death of one person, it was as if you destroyed an entire world. Again this underscores the importance of each and every life, but it is also a call to action. We cannot remain silent if we know someone is in danger. If you know someone is in an abusive relationship, Judaism teaches that you must say something. Offer to help get them in touch with someone who can help or share your concern with someone who is in a position to help. This is being an ally, and it is our responsibility as Jews and as humans.

In the coming weeks, we will be bringing in an organization called Jewish Women’s International and they will be providing training on how to recognize abuse and how to be an effective ally. There are also numerous student groups on Grounds that you can get involved with that work to raise awareness for this cause. Please keep your eyes open for this programming and attend these important trainings.

We as a Jewish community have an imperative to do tikkun olam, to repair the brokenness in our world. One of the most powerful illustrations of this idea is found in today’s haftarah in the book of Isaiah. In the haftarah Isaiah tells the Israelites that Gd doesn’t care if the people fast on Yom Kippur if in their day to day lives they treat people poorly and do not care of for the vulnerable in society. Isaiah speaking for G-d says, “Is this what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord? Is not this the fast I look for: to unlock the shackles of injustice, to undo the fetters of bondage, to let the oppressed to free, and to break every cruel chain. Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and to bring the homeless poor into your house? When you see the naked, to clothe them, and never to hide yourself from your own kin?” The message is clear actions speak louder than words. We can pray all we want on this day or any other, but if it is not coupled with action we are not truly doing tikkun olam.

Sometimes this idea of repairing the world can be a difficult and somewhat daunting task. Where do we begin? How can we help? When we treat each other with respect and honor the divinity within each of us, when we break the silence and stand up for what is right, and when we help someone who is an abusive relationship, we piece by piece begin to repair the brokenness in our world. There is a wonderful rabbinic teaching that says, “We are not obligated to complete the task, but neither are we free to refrain from it.” Together, as a Jewish community, let’s begin to be allies to those in abusive relationships, let’s make it clear to the University community and to any other community of which we are apart that we will not remain silent while our friends, family, roommates, classmates, partners, or anyone else are being hurt. Shanah tovah.

University President Teresa Sullivan calls St. Paul's: "Beacon of Hope."

We had a huge Sunday at St. Paul's, celebrating our "Welcome Back" Convocation for the University of Virginia Community. More than 500 people filled our pews, many in academic regalia.

We were honored to have as our guest preacher Dr. Teresa Sullivan, the president of the University. She eloquently implored us to create a caring community, and she talked candidly about the challenges facing the University of Virginia community in the aftermath of the killing of undergraduate Yeardley Love last spring.

We will post her sermon later this week when we get a copy.

President Sullivan also took questions at forum following the 10 am service. She was asked a variety of questions ranging from how to dampen student drinking to the morale of staff members at the University. She also mentioned that St. Paul's is a "beacon of hope" to the community and world at large.

Here are a few photos from today, taken by Bonny Bronson. For a link to coverage by Channel 29, click HERE. For a link to the story by the Charlottesville Daily Progress, click HERE.

University of Virginia President Teresa Sullivan to preach at St. Paul's

The new academic year draws near, and we at St. Paul's Memorial Church will proudly welcome back the University of Virginia community with a very special "Convocation Sunday" on August 29 at our 10 am service.

It gives me great pleasure to announce that our guest preacher will be Dr. Teresa Sullivan, the new president of the University and the first woman to serve in this position.

As exciting as a new year is, there is still a lingering sadness here in Charlottesville over the murder of 4th year student Yeardley Love last spring allegedly at the hands of another student. We will be hosting a special interfaith prayer service on Sept. 22 at 5:30 pm, and I hope you will join us. We've entitled the service "Rekindling Our Light."

Also, I commend to a note from President Sullivan addressed to the entire University community that I received Wednesday evening:

To members of the University community:

After the news of Yeardley Love's death reached me in Ann Arbor last May, I began to think ahead to joining the University of Virginia community and about what we as a community could learn from this horrific event and how we might begin to identify the characteristics of a caring community, one whose members recognize their mutual responsibility for each other.

With the start of the new academic year, it is important to continue the conversation that began in the wake of Yeardley's death. It is my hope that a full day of open and vigorous discussion about violence, violence prevention, and best practices for campus safety will bring us together in new ways so that each of us can feel safe to participate fully in the life of the University.

To that end, a Day of Dialogue has been scheduled for Friday, Sept. 24. There will be several plenary sessions with keynote speakers as well as a number of thought-provoking concurrent sessions.

Our goal is to develop interdisciplinary relationships that will serve as the foundation for the caring community we seek to create.

I encourage all members of our community -- students, staff and faculty -- to mark your calendars and plan to join me for what should be ground-breaking discussions.

Teresa A. Sullivan
President

Holy Spirit, red stoles, white ribbons and our first Pentecost picnic

This morning, at the 8 am service, we could hear the roar from across the street as graduating students, and their friends and families, began lining up for the "Final Exercises" of commencement at the University of Virginia.

A goodly number came inside for our early morning service, many wearing UVa colors and regalia. Megan Seston, the president of our Canterbury Student Fellowship and a graduating 4th year student, was already in her commencement garb.

It was an epic day.

Later in the morning, nearly 100 St. Paul's folks showed up at McIntire Park for our first-ever Pentecost picnic (a few photos here from the picnic). Associate Rector Ann Willms was the celebrant and I preached a few words (see below). The photo at right shows Ann talking with Wayne Nolen, left, our Altar Guild director. The chalice and paten in the foreground are Ann's.

It was a poignant day.

We served as a distribution point for hundreds of white ribbons as part of the campaign at UVa to bring attention to the issue of domestic violence especially against young women. We pinned the white ribbons on our red Pentecost clergy stoles, and the white ribbons stood out on the black commencement gowns in our midst and across the street. All told, 25,000 ribbons were given out.

The Holy Spirit wind was everywhere this Pentecost.

Blessings to all.

Please wear a white ribbon this Sunday

This Sunday, St. Paul's will be a central location to help distribute 25,000 white ribbons to remember Yeardley Love and to bring attention to the violence against young women. It is time to bring this into the open and to say Stop!

If you are going to the University of Virginia Final Exercises (graduation) please stop by St. Paul's to get a ribbon. We will set up a table at 7 am and give away all the white ribbons we have.

The white ribbon campaign has a website, please click HERE. And for more information on violence against women -- especially young women -- please look at the University of Virginia Women's Center website HERE.

Finding a geranium in the midst of tragedy

My spiritual practice in recent years includes reading an email that comes almost every day from someone I have never met, Barbara Crafton. She is a priest and writer, and her "Almost Daily eMo from the Geranium Farm" often strikes a chord with me at my deepest being (you can sign up for her email missives by clicking HERE).

She sent this one the other day. It is not about Yeardley Love, but it could be. Yeardley was a 4th year student at the University of Virginia who would have been graduating this weekend but was killed allegedly by her ex-boyfriend.

Yesterday I mentioned that many people will be wearing white ribbons at graduation ceremonies to bring attention to the violence against women on college campuses and to honor her.

Her loss is still very raw in our community, and is not far beneath many conversations that I've had with people in recent days.

Meanwhile, in Sacramento, a jury this week has been deliberating on murder charges against three young people accused of killing the young son -- a college student -- of a very dear friend of ours.

Where do we find faith in the midst of tragedies like these? Barbara Crafton's words help me. I offer this in the hope it will help you:

GRADUATIONS AND FUNERALS

Where are the graduates seated? I whispered to the chaplain, once we were in our seats and the ceremony had begun. There were many different groups of people in many different kinds of vestments and I wanted to be sure not to fix my gaze on the wrong group.

He nodded slightly stage left. They're right there. They'll be right in front of you.

Okay, good. Thanks.

They were receiving their degrees, tangible evidence of their having worked hard on a specific set of requirements and succeeded at them. I was receiving a more fanciful one, it seemed to me -- an honorary doctorate bestows academic honors on achievements other than academic ones. I always thought I would earn a doctorate someday, probably, but I never did. I still feel, vaguely, that I ought to have done, and so I was a little embarrassed by my honorary doctorate. It seemed I had no right to it. Still, my diffidence about it, though real enough, was not sufficient to cause me to refuse it on grounds of my undeserving -- I was too flattered to do that.

But there was more in my heart than than just an awkward modesty warring with my pride. The beauty of the day, the beauty of the place, the happiness of the graduates -- it all reminded me painfully of another graduation just a week ago, at which the lovely daughter of my nephew and his wife received a magna cum laude degree in physics from Clemson University. Her hard work, amply rewarded. Happy, proud parents, happy proud grandparents, all smiles in pictures with the graduate. And then, two days later, an atom bomb fell on the family -- Samantha's been in a terrible accident. What do you mean? Where? What happened? How bad is it? What's going on?

Nothing good. Samantha never regained consciousness. That lively intellect, that curious spirit, that amazing girl -- she died with both her parents beside her, praying and holding her hands as she slipped from this world into the next.

All the funeral things. All the casseroles. All the calls. All the photographs. The unaccustomed suit, quickly purchased for her lanky younger brother, who looked so suddenly grown up in it. The surreal bustle of the days immediately following, with people coming and going, some people busy and other people standing around, not knowing what to do with themselves. Airports and taxicabs. Hotel rooms. Flowers. Teenagers and young adults, plunged into something too horrid and absurd for them to countenance. Some of them weeping. Some of them numb. Some of them laughing at a joke and the stopping themselves, their hands to their lips, horrified at themselves for laughing.

Oh, wrong! Injustice! What good is mathematics, anyway, if it can't come to our rescue here, if it can't help us us balance this equation better? Why is it that those of us who have had the chance to live in this glorious world cannot just quietly trade places with those taken from it too soon? Would that be such a terrible thing? I believe that many would volunteer -- I have asked many people this in the last few days, and many said they have thought the same thing. So you see, we have a consensus. I plan it out idly as we drive in the car: imagine the graceful switch, imagine lying down quietly, happy to see the dead return to live out their full term. It seems to me that it would work. It wouldn't be so hard. Why can we not just substitute one for another?

Oh, no reason. Just because.

Oh.

And so I say to myself what I always say. Stay tuned. The dead don't live our lives anymore, but they live something. Some other way we can't know but can sense, sometimes -- only sometimes, though, because we're just not very good at sensing it, not here, where we only partially understand what it means that we live in Christ. In the early days, of course, you sense nothing but the yawning cavity of loss. What other people say about sensing the ongoing life of the dead may just roll off your back, or it may even strike you wrong and make you angry. So I don't always say a lot at first, unless I am asked point blank what I think happens to them. I mostly sit and listen, hold a hand, cry when tears come. Don't say much except in the sermon, if I am preaching at the funeral. Which I was not, not at this one.

I was preaching at a graduation. A graduation of people who, very soon, will be preaching at funerals. How very strange. They didn't know me, and I didn't know them. They didn't know what had just happened, and I didn't tell them, because this service was not about that. I just mentioned, as if in passing, that they would accompany people through their turning points, their graduations and their funerals. Mentioned it as if it were just a priestly thing every priest does. Which it is, of course.

But it is never generic when it happens. No matter who, and no matter when. Each one, from the old man whose death is a blessing to the young girl whose death is a fresh outrage.

Wear a white ribbon for Yeardley Love

Next Sunday, the University of Virginia will celebrate its "Final Exercises" and send forth newly minted graduates into the world. It will be a bitter-sweet weekend for many, especially for the family, friends, teammates and sorority sisters of Yeardley Love, who was murdered a few short weeks ago, allegedly by her ex-boyfriend, another student.

I am joining many in asking you to wear a white ribbon on May 23 in honor of Yeardley Love and to raise awareness of the violence against women on college campuses nationwide. We will distribute white ribbons Sunday morning at St. Paul's at our 8 am service, and I hope you will wear one to the graduation exercises.

The University of Virginia practices and procedures, and the culture of student life, have come under a great deal of scrutiny lately. But this violence against young women is not confined to this university only. It is rampant nationwide.

The Women's Center at UVa has released startling statistics about this violence, and I am reprinting it here below. To learn more about Women's Center, please click HERE.

SEXUAL AND DATING VIOLENCE ON CAMPUSES: RESEARCH

• A study of 176 female college students indicated that: ¹
  • Approximately 42% of all participants reported experiencing some type of coerced or forced kissing or fondling. 22% reported some type of coerced or forced oral-genital contact, 23% reported vaginal or anal intercourse as a result of continuous arguments or pressure. 6% reported having someone attempt vaginal or anal intercourse by use of threat or some degree of force. 9% reported having anal or vaginal intercourse under those same conditions.
• The National College Women Sexual Victimization Study found that: ²
• For their sample, the rate of completed and attempted rapes was 35 per every 1,000 female students. The researchers suggest that based on this rate, college campuses having 10,000 female students could theoretically have as many as 350 incidents of rape during the academic year.
• For women who had been raped and sexually assaulted,
  • 9 of 10 offenders were known to the victim (boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, classmate, friend, acquaintance or co-worker).
  • College professors were not identified as committing any rapes or sexual coercions, however they were cited as the offender in a low number of cases involving unwanted sexual contact.
  • 60% of completed rapes occurring on campus took place in the victim’s residence. 31% occurred in other living quarters on a campus and 10.3% took place in a fraternity. Off-campus victimizations also were more likely to occur in residences. Some respondents also reported that incidences took place in bars, dance clubs, and work settings.
• 4 out of 5 students (81%) have experienced some form of sexual harassment during their school years. ³
• 22% of all rape victims are between the usual college ages of 18-24. ⁴
• 75% of male students and 55% of female students involved in date rape had been drinking or using drugs. ⁵
• In a study of college students, 35% of men indicated some likelihood that they would commit a violent rape against a woman who had fended off an advance if they were assure of getting away with it. ⁶
• In a study surveying more than 6,000 students at 32 colleges and universities in the U.S. ⁷
  • 1 in 4 women had been victims of rape or attempted rape.
  • 84% of those raped knew their attacker, and 57% of the rapes happened on dates.
  • Only 27% of the women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of rape thought of themselves as rape victims.
  • 42% of the rape victims told no one about the assault, and only 5% reported to the police.
• In a study of 477 males (a majority of whom—72%, were 1st and 2nd year students), 55.7% reported one or more instances of non-assaultive coercion to obtain sex. Coercion in this case is defined as threatening to end a relationship unless the victim consents to sex, falsely professing love, telling the victim lies to render her more sexually receptive. ⁸
• A survey of 388 female college seniors showed that 79.3% of those sampled who reported having been raped or sexually assaulted while intoxicated put all or part of the blame on themselves. 50% of the women raped by force or threat of force also took on some degree of self-blame. ⁹
• In a longitudinal dating violence study conducted with female freshmen at a North Carolina university, researchers found that the group of women most likely to be physically or sexually assaulted across the four years of college were those women with a history of both childhood and adolescent victimization. Women who were physically victimized in adolescence but not in childhood were the second highest group at risk. Women who were physically assaulted as adolescents were at greater risk for revictimization in their freshman year. Women who had been physically assaulted in any year of college were significantly more likely to be sexually assaulted that same year. ¹⁰

Sources

¹Marx, B.P., Nichols-Anderson, C. Messman-Moore, T., Miranda, R., and Porter, C. (2000). “Alcohol Consumption Outcomes Expectations and Victimization Status Among Female College Students, Journal of Applied Psychology, Vol. 30, No. 5, 1056-1070.

²Fisher, S., Cullen, F., Turner, M., 2000. The Sexual Victimization of College Women. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Justice.

³Hostile Hallways: The AAUW Survey on Sexual Harassment in America’s Schools.AAUW Educational Foundation, 1993.

⁴Kilpatrick, DJ, Edmunds, CN, Seymour, A. 1992. Rape in America: A Report to the Nation, Arlington VA: National Victim Center.

⁵Koss, K.P., 1998. “Hidden rape: Incident, Prevalence and Descriptive Characteristics of Sexual Aggression and Victimization in a National Sample of College Students.” Rape and Sexual Assault, vol. II. (ed.) A.W. Burgess. New York: Garland Publishing Co.

⁶Kilpatrick, et al., 1992.

⁷Warshaw, Robin. 1994. “I Never Called it Rape:” The Ms. Report on Recognizing, Fighting, and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape. New York: Harper Perennial.
⁸Boeringer, S.B., 1996. “Influences of Fraternity Membership, Athletics, and Male Living Arrangements on Sexual Aggression.” Violence Against Women: 2, 134-147.

⁹Schwartz, M.D., Leggett, M.S., 1999. “Bad Dates or Emotional Trauma? The Aftermath of Campus Sexual Assault.” Violence Against Women: 5, 251-271.

¹⁰Smith, P.H., White, J.W., Holland, L.J. (2003). “A Longitudinal Perspective on Dating Violence Among Adolescent and College Age Women” American Journal of Public Health. Vol. 93, No.7, 1104-1109.

Adapted from a fact sheet compiled by CALCASA, 2004.

Our culture of sports violence: What hath we wrought?

When I was in high school many years ago, there were two kinds of kids my age: the "jocks" and everyone else. People like me tended to avoid the jocks because, to be honest, many of them were vicious bullies who took great delight in slamming you into a hallway locker when you weren't looking.

There were exceptions, and I even had a few friends who were athletes, including one of our star football players (he committed suicide the year after we graduated; I've always suspected he was gay and that had something to do with it). For the most part, though, I avoided the jocks as best I could.

I bring this up in the context of the death of Yeardley Love, a 22-year-old student athlete who was brutally murdered last week, allegedly by her ex-boyfriend who was also a student athlete. The University of Virginia is a very tight-knit community, and most of my parishioners are connected to the University. So my people are still reeling, still in shock.

Previously I have commented in this space that the culture of alcohol abuse at UVa needs to be closely examined by officials, alumni and all of us. I've heard comments in recent days from people (not in this parish), who ought to know better, saying "it isn't as bad as elsewhere." That seems quite beside the point. It is bad here. It needs to change.

But something else needs to be examined -- the culture of sports in America and how some male athletes (not all of them) have an attitude that rules don't apply to them, that violence is an acceptable form of solving problems, and that using and abusing women is normal. I hope university, college and high school officials across our country will take a deep look at this aggressive culture and do whatever it takes to change it. I pray that Yeardley Love will be the last to die this way.

The Washington Post had a superb commentary by Sally Jenkins the other day on this topic, and I commend it to you today:

George Huguely, Ben Roethlisberger, Lawrence Taylor: Male athletes encouraged to do the wrong thing

By Sally Jenkins
Saturday, May 8, 2010
George Huguely is said to have been a vicious drunk who menaced Yeardley Love, yet there has been no indication that any of his teammates said anything to police. Ben Roethlisberger seems to be a serial insulter of women, whose behavior is shielded by the off-duty cops he employs. And if the charges are true, Lawrence Taylor ignored the bruises on a 16-year-old girl's face as he had sex with her, never thinking to ask who beat her.

It's a bad stretch for women in the sports pages. After reading the news accounts and police reports, it's reasonable to ask: Should women fear athletes? Is there something in our sports culture that condones these assaults? It's a difficult, even upsetting question, because it risks demonizing scores of decent, guiltless men. But we've got to ask it, because something is going on here -- there's a disturbing association, and surely we're just as obliged to address it as we are concussions.

To read the full commentary, click HERE.

Photo of vigil for Yeardley Love at the University of Virginia, New York Daily News.

We who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life

I am preaching today only at the 8 am service. Please join us at 10 am and 5:30 pm to celebrate the ministry of The Rev. Neal Halvorson-Taylor and hear him preach.

My sermon at 8 am is based on John 14:23-29:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you… Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with Compline. It is one of the treasures of our prayer book, and you will find it beginning on page 127 [Online by clicking HERE].

The reason you many not know of it is Compline is a short service of prayers for late in the evening, and because we don’t usually have church services here late in the evening, we don’t usually conduct Compline.

The reason I bring this up is there is a particular prayer in Compline that has really tugged at me the last few days. And although it is now morning, I want to read it to you. You will find it on page 133:

“Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

Lately this parish and this community have been buffeted by all sorts of changes and chances of this life. Some of these changes are relatively small. But even the small changes can feel like a tipping point – the proverbial “last straw” – when all the changes come all at once.

Other changes are quite large: A number of our parishioners are facing serious illnesses including some of you; we’ve had a wave of funerals and memorial services including three in the last two days.

As you are certainly aware by now, a University student – Yeardley Love – age 22 – was murdered this past week allegedly at hands of her ex-boyfriend, another student.

Her death is truly shocking on many levels, and raises serious questions about student life at Uva, including alcohol abuse and violence against women students. University officials will surely confront these questions in the days ahead.

On another level, Yeardley Love’s death strikes very close to home in this parish.

Her sorority, Kappa Alpha Theta, meets here in our parish hall on Monday evenings, and I cannot quite get out of my mind that I probably walked right past her on many occasions as she and her sisters were going in or out of our building.

So I am also particularly proud and thankful that our Associate Rector, Ann, reached out to Yeardley’s sorority sisters this week, and she has been a rock of strength for them the last few days.

We opened our doors to these young university women so they could have a simple and private prayer service for Yeardley Friday evening.

That is what church should be about, exactly what this church should be about. That is exactly why we were founded.

Amidst all this, I don’t have any great words of wisdom about why someone so young, with so much life ahead of her, would be taken from us. I have no great words of wisdom about why her ex-boyfriend, someone with so much life ahead of him, would be filled with such rage that he would do something such as this.

To say that we live in a broken world is true, but not quite satisfying. To say that God cries with us is also true, but sometimes it is hard to feel.

And as much as we would like to ask God to please stop all the changes and chances of this life, we can’t, and God won’t. We may as well stop breathing.

Into this comes this spectacular promise from Jesus to stay with us as Holy Spirit, to fill each of us with love and grace, peace and rest, and to be faithful to us especially in our moments of darkness and pain. We hear of it in today’s gospel lesson from John:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you,” he tells us. “Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”

Each of us can experience this gift of the Holy Spirit, and this gift comes to us in a way that will find us where we dwell, will speak to us in our own language, and will make sense to us in ways that only we understand as an individual who is beloved of God, who knows each of us by name.

Maybe we will understand this Holy Spirit in a traditional way right out of the prayer book, or maybe the Holy Spirit will be someone, or something else entirely who makes sense only to you.

Yet sometimes we don’t feel it. Sometimes we need to stop, close our eyes, and sit in silence to feel this sacred Spirit.

Other times, we can feel this sacred presence when we gather together to support each other, to hold each other up, to pray together, or to laugh or cry together. I am certain the Holy Spirit was with Yeardley’s sorority sisters and her family and her friends this week even if they might not have felt it.

I am certain the Holy Spirit is with those in our congregation who are sick or hurting, or bewildered or grieving right now. By worshipping together, we can feel the Holy Spirit more strongly. And when I don’t feel it, maybe you will feel it for me.

My hope for each of us today is that we will take the time to see and listen for the holy, to watch and wait for the sacred, and bring all who we are, and all we long to be, into the prayer of our daily life; and that we will set aside our fear and worry, and will place our trust in the life-giving Holy Spirit who is right here with us.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you… Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”

AMEN

Art by Chiura Obata (1885-1975)

The murder of a student

By any measure, Yeardley Love, 22, was a star student at the University of Virginia. She was on the women's lacrosse team, and she was a member of the Kappa Alpha Theta sorority, just up the street from St. Paul's and which has its regular chapter meeting every Monday evening in our parish hall. So it is particularly sickening to our parish community to learn that she was found dead Monday, murdered allegedly at the hands of another student, her ex-boyfriend, who kicked in her door and repeatedly banged her head against the wall (read the story HERE).

There is much that needs to be said, and many questions that need to be asked about student life at UVa. Her ex-boyfriend had a history of violence and alcohol abuse. He had been tasered by a woman police officer in 2008 after threatening the officer. (you can read a story about that by clicking HERE). He had two other alcohol-related arrests as a minor. Alcohol may have been involved in his rage against his ex-girlfriend. How is it that he was still a student?

I have mentioned this before on this blog, and I will say it again: The University of Virginia has an out-of-control culture of alcohol that is dangerous to this community and the students who live here. Drinking is celebrated, and alcohol-poisoned students are regularly taken to the ER at the medical center. I wrote about this last September (you can read that by clicking HERE). I brought this up last fall at a meeting with University officials, who acknowledge the problem but seem to be out of ideas on what to do about it.

I also hear regular rumors that violence against women students is common. Drinking and violence are often related.

The University of Virginia will soon have a new president, Teresa Sullivan. I am confident that she will examine all of the unpleasant facts about student life that need to be faced, and take whatever measures need to be taken to protect the lives of students and this community.

It is too easy to get cheap beer near the grounds. The convenience store a half-block from St. Paul's sells suitcase size cases of beer. This is a public university, and in the very least, the General Assembly should pass a law banning off-site sales within two miles of the university. Other states have done that. Why not Virginia?

For now, I ask your prayers for Yeardley's friends and family, for the Kappa Alpha Theta sorority, and for all those in our community who are in deep shock over this terrible tragedy. Our clergy staff is reaching out to students and especially to Yeardley's sorority sisters, and our doors are open for prayers and tears.